I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
