I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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