it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
