apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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