I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize