I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
