'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
