I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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