all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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