Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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