I just threw up on my dentist
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
