Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize