Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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