i permit you to call me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
