found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
