Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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