I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
