im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
