Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize