yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
