we have pet lesbian snakes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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