so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
