I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize