Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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