There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
