Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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