Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
