Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
