Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
