High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize