I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
