The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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