I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
