So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
