Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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