P.S. I can't hear my feet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize