Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
