I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
