the condom got lost in my hair
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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