i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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