nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
