We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
