in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There r osticjed everywhere
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
