I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
