What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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