i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
