"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
