He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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