My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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