you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
