she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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