yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
