I wanna bring you to show and tell
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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