i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
