Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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