Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
