dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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