When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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