I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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