We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
