i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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