hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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