Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
