you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
