I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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