No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
