too bad you live with your parents still
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
