I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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