areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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